To Bully or Not to Bully
Larry Cudmore • October 9, 2025
When somebody disagrees with you, what is your reaction back to them? When you find yourself in the minority, what is your next move?
It seems these days there are a lot of disagreements that are sparking many wildfires which are getting out of control! It feels like we are in a civil war of words. It’s not just the kids who are guilty of being “big bullies”! People are getting hurt in many different ways. I recently heard that rage is a serious, growing concern in this country second only to our economical situation in this country.
I have learned over the years to be careful in proceeding in a conversation with those who sharply disagree with me! I have been accused of hating people I didn’t agree with! There have been attempts to shame me into changing my mind! There are those who have tried to force me, even blackmail me, into changing my mind! I struggled with thinking I had been misunderstood! It didn’t help because others had already made up their minds against me! I had to decide to let people watch me in response, when they didn’t believe my words.
I received some good counsel from a friend who worked with people in conflict! He assured me that when people try to pressure you or shame you or guilt you into going along with their thinking, it is because they have lost the influence and power of their argument and are resorting to some destructive activity!
I wonder how you respond in situations like this? Count to ten? Turn to gossip! Slander! Name calling! Giving up! Going along to get along! Trying to destroy someone’s name! Extremely sick people take up guns!
Jesus suggested turning the other cheek! Praying for those who call you enemy! “You have heard it said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” REALLY? WAS HE SERIOUS?
Maybe we get a clue of his seriousness when on the cross, he said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do!”
Loving another is never very easy, especially when someone isn’t being nice back. I think most people expect hate to be reacted to with hate. And so the escalation begins and relationships spiral downward.
Here is something to consider when you look at anyone else, friend or foe. Everyone of us is like an iceberg. When you see an iceberg floating in the water you are only seeing 10 percent of the iceberg. Consider when you look at another person you are only seeing 10 percent of who that person is. A person’s actions and beliefs are being driven by something you do not see. We look at another person and we don’t know the background that has shaped them. Maybe they grew up with an absent father or mother. Maybe they grew up with an abusive mother or father. Maybe the only reaction they knew to challenges was to fight back or run, not to reason and understand. Maybe they are too proud to take a step back and seek some kind of reconciliation.
It’s a challenge to be sure-to love someone who isn’t nice to you, who wants to hurt you. But maybe, just maybe love and attempting to understand will bring about a breakthrough that brings new live rather than death.
Before you decide that I am wrong and crazy, try giving love a chance. You don’t need to like someone to love them. It doesn’t mean that you must agree to love. Loving means you treat another with respect. You treat them the way you would like to be treated. So often it involves taking the first step in the right direction.
If you are struggling with loving the seemingly unlovable, then try playing “Follow the Leader” and I hope I don’t have to tell you who that leader is. Give it a try. You may be glad you did because you have witnessed a miracle.
This centuries old prayer from Saint Francis of Assisi may be of some help to you. “Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring love. Where there is offence, let me bring pardon. Where there is doubt, let me bring faith. Where there is despair, let me bring hope. Where there is darkness, let me bring light. Where there is sadness, let me bring joy. O Master, let me not seek as much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that I receive, it is in self-forgetting that I find, it is in pardoning that I am pardoned, and in dying that I am raised to eternal life. Amen”
In December of 2016, my doctor told me that I had a raging, aggressive prostate cancer and I should start treatment as soon as possible. Guys, don’t let anybody tell you, like I was told, that “Prostate Cancer is no big deal. It is slow growing, and you will die from something else.” That is how I responded to my doctor, and he said, “Well, that’s true for about 80% of men. But you are in the 20% group.” I went and talked to another doctor, showed him my numbers, and he said, “Well, without treatment, statistically this aggressive cancer will kill you in about 18 months.” Prostate Cancer is the second leading killer of men. I questioned both of my doctors because I didn’t feel sick. Two more doctors at Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City confirmed the diagnosis. So, 2017 was a year of countless trips to Salt Lake City for a surgery they couldn’t complete, the implanting of 44 radioactive seeds in my tumor, and 26 treatments of radiation into my pelvic area which added up to 15,000 rads of radiation. In January of 2018, I was informed that I was in remission, but the cancer would most likely be back in 5 years. Well, they were spot on. The cancer has returned with spots on my lung, close to my heart, as well as my right hip. My medicine is holding it back and thankfully my insurance is paying the $20,000 a month price tag for the medicine. Up to this time I had been a pastor for 39 years but with the effects of my treatment, I had no energy to return to being a pastor. I was having trouble with my eyesight plus I was struggling with my balance and falling down a lot. With such life changing news, I never remembering thinking “Why me?” but the question of my life was “What now?” There was no anger at God. Life is just what happens to you when you are in the midst of making other plans. (quote from John Lennon) So when you get a second chance at starting a new chapter in your life, how do you decide what that second chance will entail? Well, I loved horses and had a few children with some disabilities in my church who I had brought out to play with my horses. It felt good to see these children forget about their challenges for the moments of time they were encountering the horses. This time was not a burden for me but joy. It was giving my life a new purpose. Over the next 17 months this would evolve into the starting of a nonprofit my daughter named “Champs Heart”, because Champ was the first horse that I shared with all these children. So, I am so thankful for a second chance in life. It comes to us in many ways. Some people think of it in terms of retirement. Others a change of jobs. A new marriage. Moving to a new location, etc. I am 75 years old now, and I have come to believe that how you finish your life is more important than how you start your life. Sure, a lot of starting points shape you and determine so much, but you also have to decide how you are going to use your past to live in the present and shape your future. In any sporting event, the score at the end is always the most important thing, right? What will you do with your second chances, however many you get? Consider the passion you have in your life. Golf? Horseback riding? Fishing? Hunting? Quilting? Painting? Writing? Wood working? etc. What’s your passion in life? And then think about how you can use that passion to shape another’s life, be a significant change factor in another’s life? Is there some way to pass along your knowledge, your gifts, to another whose life will be significantly shaped by you. You don’t have to start a nonprofit. That was never a plan for me with my second chance. That was never in the cards. But it seems God had other plans for my second chance. What might his plans for you include as you think about the desires and passions God has planted deep within you. Success in life is good, but I think significance is the most important good. How will you live your life in a significant way? I would love to hear back from your thoughts on second chances. Hope you will join me again next week at “Larry’s Hitching Post”
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